Eyestorm
AMPLIFYING WOMEN’S VOICES TO CREATE LASTING CHANGE
KITTENS, CONNECTIONS & COURAGE
BY ALICE CLOVER
AKA THE FARTING FEMINIST
Alice is our monthly blogger, an EyeStorm WIZ member
Author, CEO and Founder of Alice Clover Stories
Alice shares her thoughts, ideas and quirkiness every month.
New kittens and new friends and birthday celebrations
Our friends cat had four utterly delightful kittens whom we have enjoyed getting to know. Sadly one of them passed away but this has been a good opportunity to discuss thoughts and feelings about death and to be able to delve a bit deeper. We have never had any animals at home since the girls were born, so getting to know our friends pets has not only given them more confidence around animals it has also allowed them to explore what kinds of animals there might like themselves. The new kittens have also helped my youngest daughter face her fears of being around cats too.
Whilst we were at our friends house another child was there who sat with Grace in the pen and gently encouraged her to hold the kittens and gain confidence with them. He then asked her if she wanted to go and look around the garden. They played, laughed and had such a beautiful carefree time together. She has been asking to see him ever since.
I am always thankful that both of my daughters have a variety of friendships and often have the opportunity to play one to one, which brings out the best in both of them. I have also been spending more time with my friend and getting to know her better. We have a lot in common but haven’t seen each other often up until now.
Florences best friend had her birthday this month and Florence was asked to make the cake. She loves baking and cooking and was ecstatic to get another cake commission, particularly one as import as this. She thought about the flavour, the look and the finishing touches, planing meticulously. She always does baking with Will but leads them both. It has increased her confidence massively. When her friend saw the cake she was overjoyed and all of the children at the party loved it too.
Flower displays and Summer Fayers
I was taken right back to my childhood recently because our friend had taken part in a flower display at Falmer village church and asked if we would like to go and see. This was a regular occurrence when I was growing up in a village in Somerset. I loved going to look around open gardens with my mum, enjoying the uniqueness and talent displayed. We also continue to participate in the Flower Show each year. There were several flower displays and the theme was celebration. My daughter Grace was extremely excited to see that one of the displays was a celebration of rabbits and we even had the opportunity to meet the man who made it. My friend chose to celebrate Bonfire Night. There was an array of interesting effigies and colourful flowers to give them impression of fire works and bonfires.
The following day we went along to a summer fayre where a family friend was playing the drums. She did brilliantly. We were all incredibly proud. I enjoyed a glass of Pimms as we looked around the stalls and watched groups of children singing, doing gymnastic displays and soaking up the glorious sunshine. There was also a Poopla stall, or stool, where the children could throw plastic poos into toilets worth various points and win prizes! Needless to say, I particularly enjoyed this activity.
Catching up with friends
I have been a breastfeeding Peer Supporter for almost eight years. During covid a few of us set up a Facebook group so that we could continue to support parents online. I was asked to be one of the admins by the teams leaders and we had weekly meetings to discuss what was needed and what roles we felt confident in. I loved those weekly meetings, getting to know everyone better and having some normality in a world full of chaos and confusion. We all met up in person for the first time and went for a curry.
It was such a wholesome bonding experience. Sharing our knowledge and wisdom and listening to the mums who have older children and have lived through what I am currently going through was extremely special. I feel fortunate to have so many groups of female friends who are genuinely compassionate and wise change makers. As I get older find myself gravitating towards women who are working towards making a positive difference and impact in the world whilst sharing and shouting out other women’s achievements and successes too.
House Sitting
We have also had the pleasure of housesitting for my sister and her family. We’ve been looking after Daisy the kitten and Mopsy the rabbit. Florence adores Daisy and has even willingly been clearing out her litter tray! Like mother like daughter! Grace has found it quite a challenge to spend time with a kitten who has boundless energy and is rather unpredictable but has slowly been getting used to her. She much prefers to spend time with Mopsy, playing with his in her run and cleaning out her hutch. She sings the little bunny nursery rhyme, which is utterly adorable. As someone who grew up with various animals I know how important it is to experience this sort of bond and am thankful that both of the girls can get to know other peoples animals well. It has also been strange staying at my sisters without everyone here. We are used to visiting and spending time all together.
Our van has had to go in for repairs, so we’ve been getting the bus and learning the timetable, which has been helpful and also useful for any future visits here. It is easy to take the frequency of buses for granted when living in a place like Brighton. I will miss the kitten cuddles in the evenings but I am sure we will come back again soon.
Celebrating each others differences
Will and I had a discussion about the girls fears and anxieties because they have a few between them. Some are the same but others are different. Will wondered if some of the fears might be learnt or a way of getting some attention from us as parents but I felt that all of their fears are genuine and should be treated as such. I am a highly sensitive person with two highly sensitive daughters, who also experience anxiety.
We, as parents, have always strived to acknowledge their uniqueness and individuality. I have often said to them that in some ways they are the same because of being sisters but in the majority they are vastly different and not comparable at all. It is so easy to compare children and consequently make them feel like there is something wrong with them or that they aren’t adequate enough being themselves, which then carries on into adulthood.
When it comes to their fears we try our best to be respectful and listen to them. The biggest fear for both of them is dogs, which isn’t easy to manage because there are lots of dogs, particularly in Brighton, but we have worked out various strategies. Some of our friends have dogs who the girls have gotten used to and feel safe around, which is massively healing but both struggle when seeing a dog off their lead or on one of the long leads. Florence has a fear of wasps and bees after getting stung on her chest. She also has a fear of dentists. None of these fears are uncommon, particularly amongst children, especially those who are highly sensitive. Grace has recently developed a dislike of bugs but seems to be happy outside playing and exploring, so I am hoping this will pass. Our approach is to acknowledge their feelings and reassure them as much as possible.
I was recently told that a no nonsense approach would be good for them but in a world where violence is rife, war is raging and the message of hate is increasing I find this method is proven not to work. I don’t want my children to feel fearful of punishment or consequence. We have taught them the importance of respect, boundaries and listening to each other. There are increasingly fearful thoughts and feelings towards others due to difference, which is fuelled by the media and world leaders because we have lost the ability to listen to our gut and our heart, to find compassion, integrity and tolerance. When my daughters tell me they are scared I listen to them. I don’t belittle or shout them down because I want them to know that how they feel is valid and important to me. This is also the same with their learning styles. I have always been highly emotionally intelligent but not academically so and felt inadequate all of my life, up until very recently, as a result.
By celebrating the girls differences allows them to see the differences in others and also celebrate everyone else too.
Each one of us is unique and different to each other and by taking the time to see that in our children too has a ripple effect throughout their lives.
With love,
Alice, The Farting Feminist